Saturday, January 10, 2009

The fog is lifting...could this be the miracle I dreamed about?

If you have dared read any of my previous years posts you will know something about me...I'm fat. And I don't want to be fat. I don't think badly of fat people because I know that there can be a situation where someone doesn't overeat and yet they are fat- I know this because it has been me all my life.

Recently- I got fed up- fed up of avoiding doctors because of the fear of what they might say to me- yes- they say things- like "you're fat!". And that hurts- but after suffering through another anxiety attack- sitting in the ER and looking at my husband and daughter sitting there looking back at me it dawned on me that I needed to do something- and that I did.

After some good ol internet research I armed myself with all the data that I thought I would need, made an appt for a physical with my GP and a annual pap smear with a new OBGYN and got it done. And I think that I was right. I have PCOS, insulin resistance and its not my fault I'm fat. I don't have to be ashamed. It's not lack of willpower. It's more than that. I took one pill today of the medicine prescribed to me and four hours later I felt different. A fog was lifted. I had energy. I wasn't hungry four hours after eating breakfast. I felt normal.

This is truly a miracle and I thank God for giving me the guidance and the strength to go and get seen by doctors and to ask for the help I need. I pray my test results all come out normal. I pray that a year from now I can look back on this first "fog lifted" day and remember the start of my real life. I hope I am lighter, and feel better, and I pray that it will only get better from here.

Loving myself...

On a sad note- I am feeling so much sympathy for a dear friend and former co-worker whose husband past away suddenly Thursday night- I pray that God will comfort her in her grief and I pray He gives me the right words to say tomorrow at the viewing.

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