Wednesday, December 01, 2010

War of My Life

 Sometimes I am amazed at how John Mayer's songs seem to be written for me- songs whose lyrics explain the feelings and situations that I am going through in a way that only Mayer can...

War of My Life

I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
Got no choice but
to fight til its done.

So fight on.
Fight on everyone.

Had an anxiety attack yesterday- my first one in two years since I started taking my anti-anxiety medicine.  I decided to wean off the medicine because of the weight gain- but now I am wondering if it was the wrong decision..  Really I just want to be done with all medicine- but I don't want to be paralyzed with anxiety and fear.  My anxiety manifests physically with rapid  heartbeat and shortness of breath. Scary- but I was able to calm myself down from it.  Didn't last as long as the ones in the past.  This morning almost had two more, but got it under control.  Lucky for me my husband just decided to call me on my way to work- he never does that- so divine intervention there- talking to him has helped me this morning so much. I almost took the pill again.  After going through a month of tapering down the dose and five days without any- but thankfully, I didn't-and I don't plan to unless I stop being able to function without them.  I am going to start exercising, eating right and maybe even start seeing a counselor.  I hope that I can get off this new medicine as well because I don't really think it is helping me much.

Well this is the war of my life- getting my anxiety under control and getting a healthy lifestyle back in place.  I can do it! I know I can. It's hard, it sucks, but it can be done.

As long as I keep loving myself.

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